Everybody is biting their nails with such worry over this new storm that is heading towards the Gulf with such menace, this Lingonberry La-La Land, this Swedish Smasher, this Behemoth of Big Boxes. Yeah, y'all know what I'm talkin' about...

It's gonna be fast, by God. It will be flinging so many unassembled sets of shelves at such high speeds, you won't know what hit you. Everybody will have to board up their windows because friends don't let friends have particle board furniture in their homes. And the tornadoes of framed prints that will reduce one's abode to a picture in a catalog!

Dear Lord, it's everyone's worst nightmare come to life.

Save yourselves from this scourge! Protect your fine art works and your great good taste! Beware of this Hurricane Ikea!!!!!

Oh, wait....

Hurricane Ike?

*shuffles off, embarrassed*

...never mind...