Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Ladies and gentlemen, I am here to ease everyone's sanity just a tad in the face of that cone of uncertainty presented by our watery composer menace Gustav out there in the Gulf.

No, I am not going to tell everybody to stay put and trust in our levees.

Everyone should go on as normally as they possibly can with this sword of Damocles over our heads. Take your kids to school and head to work, but gas up your cars, get your water and batteries, take out all your garbage, clean out your fridges, and work on battening down some hatches and anything in your yards that could potentially become flying debris. And y'all go say hi to E while you're at it. He's uneasy, poor baby.

Sure, the mayor is heading back from his superdelegate duties in Denver a tad early to try to be a concerned leader. That's his job, and he'd better do it. I have a more pressing matter to call to the public's attention.

Have you seen this man?

His m.o. ...errr, personality profile... states that When he shows up, you know the weather is going to get interesting.

Damn right it's gonna get interesting. Let's see...what else can his profile share with those of us who might end up fleeing for our very lives?

Like many weather enthusiasts, Jim has a great respect for the weather. "We want to inform our viewers about the potential impact of the weather events so they can protect their property and most importantly their lives, but, we don't want to become the story. We locate ourselves close enough to the action to help viewers understand the severity of the weather, before during and after the storm."

In other words, folks, forget the Walking Id coming back to New Orleans to hole up in a now-empty Hyatt if/when disaster strikes.

If you see Jim "Chaos" Cantore walking the streets of this city, RUN as far and as fast as you can. Period.

Be well. And don't panic.



Kevin Allman said...

If I remember correctly, Cantore was still camped in Pensacola on the Saturday morning before Katrina, while I was getting the hell outta Dodge, having listened to John Gumm.

The Weather Channel seems to have a lot staked on picking a position and then making it right, dammit, even if that isn't bearing out the facts.

Cero said...

OK, I won't panic. I'm not even panicking on my own behalf and I'm sure people will be safe, I am panicking on behalf of buildings and of more people leaving permanently.
I'll stop, but get lots of supplies.

saintseester said...

I'd be afraid if cantore showed up at my town, too. Hopefully, Gustav will detour and go to some non-populated, non-flood prone area. Right?

a said...

Funny b/c it's true. However, I'm still going ahead with my Labor Day weekend plans, which involve a lovely drive to Atlanta, as I'd rather spend 5-6 days there than here with the possibility of no power. (See, Hurricane Cindy, 2005--6 days without power in July for a measly Cat. 1. My daughter was not amused.) Stay safe and here's hoping that Cantore won't show up.

swampwoman said...

Dangit, I should have checked this post two days ago

A good friend in Diamondhead reported that Jim Cantore checked into the Imperial Palace in Biloxi on Wednesday to gamble profusely until the storm makes up its mind - seems like he's got himself an insatiable little vice cause he apparantly comes to the Mississippi coast quite often