Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Happy Turkey, all!

In thanks for my family and the naches they give me, I'm passing this bit of internet gold on to y'all straight from my granddaddy. It means I am fulfilling number 24 on the list below. It also means everybody needs to be grateful that I am the parent of a boy and that they are not. Ha!

Why Boys Need Parents:

And you also find out interesting things when you have sons, like...

1.) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.

2.) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

3.) A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.

5.) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

6.) The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's already too late.

8.) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

9.) A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old Man says they can only do it in the movies.

10.) Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old Boy.

11.) Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.

12.) Super glue is forever.

13.) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.

14.) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

15.) VCR's do not eject "PB & J" sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

16.) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

17.) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

18.) You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.

19.) Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.

20.) The fire department in Austin , TX has a 5-minute response time.

21.) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.

22.) It will, however, make cats dizzy.

23.) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

24.) 80% of Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without kids.

25.) 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.

On reading the above list in an email forwarded to him by my mom, my college-age brother emailed back the immortal words: "I'm going to get the brake fluid out of my car right now."
Everybody have a happy and safe holiday out there. And watch out for them boys!!!!!


The long, long road home,New Orleans said...

My husband adores the baby on the harley. I have to say I'd rather have a boy then deal with my husband once we have a girl. She'll pop out and he'll immediately start cleaning his gun.

charlotte said...

this post about boys makes me exhausted. whew!

happy turkey to you too, sweetie.

Schroeder said...

Hee hee! I loved this (having survived some stupid things as a latchkey kid).

Leigh C. said...

My brother and my granddaddy are themselves survivors of "Hey! Watch THIS!!!" types of actions. Granddaddy once plugged an electromagnet he'd made into a wall outlet in his house just to see everything jump up in the air a few feet. He blew all the fuses as a result of his several seconds of fun.

Sophmom said...

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Heh heh. Easy for me to say, as mine are very big boys now. I laughed my ass off at this.