The prodigal broad has returned from the buckle of the Bible Belt, where large, lit-up lower-case "t"s are prominently featured on the sides of two skyscrapers in the Oklahoma City skyline. And yes, I know there's a big one on the sides of a building in the New Orleans area, but it's the Archdiocese of NOLA's building, not one belonging to J.P. Morgan Chase.

ANYway, since we don't receive too many holiday catalogs here on the gray brick road, I took great delight in perusing one of the many that my mom gets: Neiman-Marcus' Christmas Book, famous for offering all sorts of incredible gifts such as a mauve Hummer and this fantastic gem that can be yours for only a half-a-mil:

To honor battles won and heroes lost over 38 glorious years, you can put 530 square yards of sporting history into your own backyard: An entire Cowboys Texas Stadium end zone. Our exclusive package also includes the VIP treatment for the last regular season Cowboys game in Texas Stadium. Your crew gets pre-game photos in your zone with Jerry Jones, a luxury suite for the game, and a once-in-a-lifetime post-game tailgate party on your soon-to be new backyard (with the Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders, no less). There's also autographed memorabilia from Cowboy legends, and a VIP package to attend the opening of the new stadium in 2009. Better yet, the Jerry Jones family and the Cowboys organization will generously donate the entire purchase price to The Salvation Army®.

I only comment on this because a) I can't imagine Tom Benson doing anything like this ever ever. Offering this kind of package in exchange for $500,000 to a local charity? Over his soiled cars' bodies... ; b) Who would he really be able to collaborate on this kind of thing with, anyway? Hell, neither Macy's nor Lord & Taylor reopened in the New Orleans Centre adjacent to the Superdome. ; and c) The Dome had better not be facing any sort of demise anytime soon, especially in these financial climes.

Aaaah, hell, even if a Saints end zone were the thing being offered, I have no place to put it, except maybe I could cut it up and use it for wall-to-wall carpeting...

I'm gonna buy local - and spend a tad less moolah - instead.

And I wouldn't object to having some of these wrapped in blue paper in my home, either.