So, what the hell's going on with you, Missy Blogger? You don't write, you don't check your comments, you don't bother to post... what kind of maideleh are you???

Really, I can explain...

I guess I can hear you out a little.

I've been out of town.

A likely story. You've been out of town before and haven't had any problems checking in. What's different this time?

Let's see...some time with my sister-in-law, her spouse, and my nephew in Portland...a plane trip to Juneau....

Alaska? Oh, this ought to be fun. The excuse you concoct is going to be entertaining, at least.

...hopping the ferry from Juneau to Whittier, with a stop in Yakutat along the way...disembarking at Whittier and making our way into the one lane combo train and car tunnel...

Oh, you're putting me on so nicely and having so much fun with it, I can almost be amusingly bitter instead of incredibly furious about your abandonment as of late. Go on...

I wish you wouldn't interrupt. We went on to Anchorage and then got a car for a day or two to get us down to the Kenai Fjords...

Fjords in America? Oh, this is just perfect.

...and to Seward, where we had the worst beef hot dog ever at their SeaLife Center...then we hopped an Alaska Railroad train to Denali National Park and spent some time there...

I suppose you'll tell me you saw moose and squirrel next...you can get that from watching Rocky and Bullwinkle, too, you know.

Actually, we did see moose and ground squirrels, and many other animals besides...it was a gorgeous, warm, sunny day in the park. Then we got back on the train to Fairbanks and headed home...well, Dan headed home. I'm on the Left Coast with the in-laws, ambassador for the little guy once more.

It's going to take a lot more than that elaborate, elegant mess of tangled travel tales to get me to be nice to you again, kid.

But you at least accept that I've been away, right?

Oh, I guess I can give you that. I don't have much choice, do I, the way I've been sitting idle, twiddling my virtual thumbs, waiting with bated breath for your attention once again...

Enough, already. I'll just have to tell you my story.

Oh, you think I'm going to sit still long enough for that?

I'm going to tell it anyway whether you sit, stand, or turn cartwheels, anyhow.

All right, fine.

Thank you. It's coming soon.

Just don't leave me hanging.